| Filtered so Chris Miles Cannot View |
[01 Mar 2008|09:58am] |
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Angie this. Angie that. I want to fuck Angie. Oh Jal let me tell you how much I want to fucking fuck Angie.
I'm going mental hearing about her. Seriously whomever is interested in listening to Chris prattle on about her for hours on end can take my job because I'm this close to resigning as his best mate. I know he cared cares a lot about her but it's getting ridiculous and apparently she's supposed to be coming back. Tomorrow if you want to know. I've been told that anyways on multiple occasions along with graphic dissertations about what certain people want to do to her.
Someone please find a gun and put me out of my misery. I just can't deal with listening to it anymore.
I think I'll get pissed instead. Anyone interested in joining? I'll be at my father's club.
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| 006 ♪ Belated is better than never |
[16 Feb 2008|06:55pm] |
That about sums up what I have to say about the fantastic holiday that is Valentine’s Day. It’s essentially this rubbish holiday invented by the card companies to remind those of us who aren’t getting any love that all of our friends are. It works to help deliver painful blows when you’ve decided to lean so far into one direction that you’ve fallen on your bum and broken it. Yes, folks! That is a completely metaphorical statement by the way. No real breakage has happened. It might as well have happened though.
I did receive a rather generous bouquet of flowers from Kenneth. It was a rather kind gesture but he had to go and pick something that I’m allergic to. He couldn’t have just gone with roses. I suppose it’s the thought that counts though. At least he remembered me even if he knows better than to think I’m every going to like him as more than a friend.
I still owe you ice cream, Max. I’m sorry for being so MIA. Family issues everywhere! Meet me tonight though if you don’t have plans.
This is me posting since I've been in a very non-bloggy mood lately. I'm just trying to be like other people that I know.
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| 005 ♪ Want to Get Pissed |
[27 Dec 2007|04:06pm] |
‘Tis two days after Christmas and all through Bristol, Jal’s friends were wondering why they have not received parcel or pistol. Jal Fazer, you see, was taken hostage by Dad and you can trust her when she says that she was not glad. She is home with a smile and her pockets are heavy. She wants nothing more than to get pissed and eat turkey with gravy. She has presents for all, so hurry but do not fall.
In other words, I'm home. Let's go out. Open invitiation.
Shortest entry ever.
You'll all forgive.
Unless you're currently not talking to me. Not that any of you have reasons not to at the moment.
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| 004 ♪ Open or Closed? |
[23 Nov 2007|11:14pm] |
I had a conversation with my Lynton today and I don’t give a fuck that he can read this. It wasn’t really an argument I suppose it was just a conversation that hurt my feelings and made me get defensive. We were finishing up breakfast. Dad is out of town otherwise it would have been nipped earlier. Ace ended up having to ease it over but I’m still bothered by what Lynton said even if I know he didn’t mean it in the way it came out. He essentially in that language that it’s any wonder I can translate that since I got my braces off I’ve changed. He tried to make it sound like I was a recluse and prude before they were taken off. I know he doesn’t want me going around running off half naked and being promiscuous. It’s the fact that I’m viewed like some sort of – I don’t even know. I’m just not that person. I’m not this scared little girl without a life like they seem to think. Caring about my clarinet is unhealthy supposedly. There is something wrong because I’m not in a relationship. I have friends and that should be enough.
I started to think about it all when I went back up to my room and it sort of stung to think of the fact that it isn’t that I don’t have a life. It’s that I don’t have one away from our small group of friends. I won’t go out without one of you with me. I don’t like being by myself. I think I might even be afraid of it. If I don’t have one of you dragging me out, I even opt to stay in sometimes. I don’t want to be this dependent girl who is forced to cling to her friends. You all have lives without me. What if one day you all move on and it’s just me. I’m going to be fucking miserable and I know it. Fucking hell, I’m saying more than I should here. Damn internet. It makes you open up. I need to open myself up more. I think that’s what the argument was about. I think it’s about me being closed up. I’ll be the first one to admit that I put walls up. I want them to come down. I really do. It’s just so hard. Especially when you’ve seen so many people that you care get fucked over by the people they care about when they put down their walls. If you’ve vulnerable people take advantage.
So what they hell am I supposed to do? Rhetorical question, mates. I can’t say that I am honestly happy with the person I have been. I envy many of you for the way you can be so open. Openness doesn’t come honestly to me. I might look like my mother but I am my father when it comes to personality. I know it. Ace and Lynton aren’t closed. They say what they want when they want. Dad and I are emotionally closed though. I know sometimes I’ve complained about my father but maybe I didn’t know just how much I can be like him at times. I don’t want grow up like this though. I don’t want my children to question whether I love them or not because I’m this frigid ice queen or anything. I don’t want that. And maybe things have changed a touch with the loss of braces but how can I be sure that I’m not going to revert to my old ways when the novelty wears off? Has anything really changed at all? It’s still the same people I drag out. The only difference is that it’s been my idea of late. It bloody well sucks.
Isn't mystery supposed to be a good thing? Christ. I no longer know. It’s fucking late. I don’t care. I’m going on a walk. I need the fresh air. I've had all day to think this over and now that I'm done with the important shite, I'm escaping for some real thought time.
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| 003 ♪ One More Thing |
[10 Nov 2007|11:20pm] |
Just because I'm too lazy to email and forgot to post this in my last post. Here is a random quiz out of boredom.
( 65 Questions. )
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| 002 ♪ Plans. |
[10 Nov 2007|10:33pm] |
It's madness
To be always sitting around in sadness,
When you could be learning the steps of gladness.
You'll be happy when you can do
Just six or seven;
That's Gershwin. It felt a fitting lyric to start this.
Operation get back to normal here.
I thought I should formally let everyone know that I'll be MIA Tuesday afternoon. I have my appointment to get my braces off. I've had them for so long it's going to be different but it'll be nice to be able to chew gum again with out having to worry about it sticking. I was thinking maybe I might even do something to celebrate getting them off. That is if things are looking alright when it rolls around. I haven’t decided what. Maybe I’ll steal borrow my father’s card and go out to a really nice restaurant. It could be fun to go to somewhere expensive. Any suggestions? I was thinking maybe Ellipse. Wine and lots of food on my father’s dollar. We could all get really dressed up too. It could be fun to pretend to do something adult for once. This is part of the let’s all dig ourselves out of the ditch of misery scheme.
Also, I’m a chicken but when the Zoo opens for Ice Skating Chris and I were thinking it could be loads of fun if we all went. Maybe by the time it does, Tony will be out of the hospital. We could all go together and it would be brilliant. We’re going whether the rest of you chose to go with us or not.
So there plans.
You get nothing personal today.
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| 001 ♪ Sforzando with G Major |
[03 Nov 2007|02:56am] |
I’ve got this creative writing thing due in my English class. We were supposed to write a piece just over 200 words that means something. I thought about writing about my mum but no matter how hard I tried the words wouldn’t really piece together in a way that I though would really do her any justice. How do you write about someone you barely knew though? She was just sort of someone that I’m supposedly exactly like. When I look in the mirror, I see her. When my family looks at me, they see her. I don’t think I could have written about her.
I was feeling sort of like shite and nothing would come out. I took some pills, turned on the Gershwin and the words started to flow. It’s sort of out there and I don’t expect most of you to really care about it. You’ll probably call it soppy bollocks if you get it at all. I don't care. If you don't like it you can fuck off. It's metaphorical. It's brilliant. Besides, I'm free to go out now and you're all still sitting on your arse doing all of your assignments.
Without further ado, here is my thing. I'm going to go try to find something to do.
G Major
He entered the world in a Scherzo. He took us all by surprise. Perhaps even his mother. The world was never prepared for something so abrupt. The past has left him Staccato and scattered.
He is fragmented in time. He moves primarily in ¾ time. He is a beautiful, constant though evolving waltz. He dances through life. Every beat of his life is obstinate. The pieces might not always make logical sense because they are so disconnected but they resonate with me. The pieces make up the whole to his grander score. And when I hear his score, I want to cry.
Sometimes he changes time. He slows and speeds in tempo. He sometimes becomes Adagio. I hear the beautiful lazy tones and they warm me.
Some days he is Gershwin. Sometimes he is Bach. He is better than the greats though. While they are comprehensible, he is something that is always just beyond the cusp of my natural understanding. With every crescendo and decrescendo, he comes closer to a break. But even in the break, he is beautiful.
When our scores come together, it is a Sforzando. A balance of all his allegro and all of my dolce. I do not have to be loud to be heard. I do not have to scream to alter his score. The notes mesh in to make something unique to our own or they will one day.
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| MOBILE - LEAVE MESSAGES. |
[01 Nov 2007|10:23pm] |
' ' Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl’s empty, and so is your head.
The roses stink, sorta like sheep,
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep.
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten,
And I might call you back, if I haven’t forgotten. ' '
BEEP.
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| OOC - CHARACTER INFORMATION |
[01 Nov 2007|10:22pm] |
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( Information )
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